|
Dog Dictionary
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to
lead
your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread
in the
guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you
don't. To
do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad
and
let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place
your
nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and
inhale
deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you
stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a
week to
test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try
to push
the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are
rewarded with
margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy
crusts
of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to
control
body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind
a bush
and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards;
the
person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance
away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their
persons want
them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring
blankly
at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or
lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary
to
warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling
your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes,
and old
candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and
strew the
papers all over the house until your person comes home
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it
is
polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your
whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor,
walls
and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and
frequently.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!",
especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly
effective
before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are
drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the
Regular Bump
doesn't get the attention you require.....especially effective
when
combined with The Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag
your tail.
If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
Source:
StrangeCosmos.com
|
